God's pushing

Do you ever get the idea that God's pushing and you're not listening? I get that impression in my life right now. I'm finishing up school in 7 weeks and I have no idea where I'm going after that. I don't know if God wants me to stay here, go way far away, or even in this country. I wish I truly knew. All I know is that God's put a passion for students in me that won't be satisfied until I can help students by showing them the love of Jesus Christ. God pushes, but I'm not sure why or how. I'm listening, but not hearing. A lot of people say that God whispers, but I don't believe that. I believe that God screams at us most of the time, and we as people are so deaf because we don't want to hear God that when we want to hear we've become so accustom to not hearing that we don't. I was asked the other day why don't we hear from God like they did during biblical times. My answer is that we don't want to. People say they want to hear from God and want to do His will, but what if he told you to go do something you didn't want to do? Would you do it? What if I actually heard from God and he said go to Iraq right now, find this specific person and when you told them of Me they would kill you. What would I do then? Honestly I'm not sure what I would do. I'd like to think I'd die for my Lord because He died for me, but I can't honestly say I would until I'm put in that situation. God's pushing. Do you ever want to scream to God for an answer or maybe you actually do it? I know I do. To truly be transparent I must admit that I've never doubted God's existence, but at times I do doubt God's listening to me. I know I work on His time and not not the other way around. Recently lots of bad things have happened and it's like I feel God pushing to test our stamina in our faith. So does God's pushing help me? Right now I feel like it could, but doesn't feel like it right now. As I tirelessly pray everyday and I hope others do, that God will soon give me a glimpse of what He has for me, in a way I hope it's soon. Normally I'm a very patient person. I don't usually let things get to me hardly ever, and I work well under large amounts of pressure. This made me a good medic and a good youth pastor. Lately, the pressure has been very high which is fine, but with all these bad things and God's test it's becoming harder to keep up. I end with this prayer: God please help me. I need your wisdom, your patience, and your overwhelming love. God speak to me soon to give me a glimpse of your plan and the path you want for me. Lord I want to be like Isaiah and say "Here am I Lord, send me." Thank you for your protection and salvation. Thank you. Amen. God Rocks, Jtw